hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
