Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
