you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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