ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize