I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
