I can text with my tongue
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
