I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
