Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
