If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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