I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize