I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
