Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
