theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
