Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
