That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
