Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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