Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Someone signed my nipple.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
