guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
