people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
