That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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