I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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