girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just high enough for therapy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
