I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
