New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
