go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize