He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you had me at cake vodka
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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