literally had 100 drinks last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize