weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she smelled like a LAN party
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I AM VODKA MAN
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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