His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
