I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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