That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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