Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
