captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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