I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
