Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
