God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
