In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
