Someone shit on the floor
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
