Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize