It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
