Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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