Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
