No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
