Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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