He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
