ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The air taste purple.
Randomize