you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
