You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
