She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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