my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
