He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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