guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
