What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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