well you can't waste a boner
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My life is pants optional.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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