so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize