Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
