i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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