He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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