Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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