Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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