youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize