oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
