i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
