there's paper in my vomit.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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