Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
