whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You took a bar mat shot.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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