Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
