i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
