She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
