Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
