Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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