just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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