Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
