Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize