thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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