Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
