i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
