Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
