O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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