I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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