My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
