Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize