end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
