She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
