I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize