i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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