it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This toilet bowl is my home.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
