what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
