I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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