Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
