Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
