I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
