Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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