Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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