connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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