Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
